When I decided to start a blog, the issue was what to name the blog.  It had to express who I am NOW and where I am on this journey NOW. Not who I had been and where I had been even though that too has essentially defined and grown me into whom I am.  On this strange, cruel but often wondrous journey called life there are often signals sent that things need to change in your life but mostly, we are very good at ignoring them. Or so it was until a few months ago when all of a sudden, in the flash of an eye, tomorrow was cancelled and no amount of planning or ignoring could have prepared me for it.  What happens when tomorrow is cancelled – literally that.  It’s cancelled.  You are forced to face the here and now – no escape.  This is the truth, the reality, the no nonsense starkness.  “I’m living like there’s no tomorrow, because there isn’t one” Don Draper, Mad Men.  Nothing, nada.

There is no white light (or at least there wasn’t for me) just incredulity and a disbelief that this is happening and the chances of being here tomorrow look very slim.  Did I even want to be here tomorrow – now that’s a scary one to have to answer in the small hours when all you hear are machines beeping and you are in the twilight zone of drugs.  “They” (whoever “they” are) say that your life flashes before your eyes – mine kind of crawled snail like (or it could have been the drugs). I went through events in my life and the people who were involved in them – colleagues, loved ones, acquaintances, school friends, mentors, helpers – whether short or long term.   Interesting that the flash before my eyes was people and definitely not work or things I own – so that part at least is true! Painstakingly, I analysed how I had interacted with each one and if I had been a good person to them!  For some inexplicable reason, being nice and kind overall to people seemed so important to me if this was to be my final time and tomorrow had indeed been cancelled. It’s very easy to let go when you are in that scenario.  Just slipping away is so easy to do.  There is no reality – I was at peace that yes, I had been a kind, nice person but did I need, or want, to carry on with all the issues, dramas, messes and the life that I was leading or was it indeed time to “go gently into that good night” (apologies Dylan Thomas)? I was just so damned tired – bone chilling tired.  Too much, too much, too much, too often!

I would lie if I said that there was an “AHA” moment and the light came on.  Not true – just a knowing, a deep seated soul knowing, that the journey was not full circle.  There were still paths to follow, journeys to be taken, moments to live and weddings to dance at.  Life to live and love to love.  It wasn’t the time to say goodbye and home would have to wait a while. “Congratulations! Today is your day. You’re off to Great Places! You’re off and away!” ― Dr Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go! Tomorrow as I knew it with all the procrastinating, not living an authentic ME life had indeed been cancelled but there was indeed a new tomorrow there for the taking – a tomorrow of MY making just for ME with MY own dreams, journeys and joys. It would be an honour and a privilege to have you join me on this journey – no guarantees that it will be smooth sailing or even going but one thing is for sure, it certainly will be interesting and with some great fun along the way! Now that tomorrow has been cancelled, let’s start RIGHT NOW! No waiting, no lingering.